Redefining the Meaning of Life After Divorce

The meaning of life is such a profound and personal concept. Each of us has our own understanding. Maybe it’s being wildly successful and very rich. Or developing a deep and everlasting faith. Perhaps it’s being an exceptionally loving parent. For others, like me, it’s about personal evolution. Before we can redefine it, we need to do a little digging, and see where you are now. What is your meaning of life? And how was it shaped by your marriage?

Your partnership definitely plays a role in defining your life. Parts of your identity are formed through marriage — you went from being single to being a husband or a wife. If you had children you became a parent, or if your spouse had children, you became a stepparent. It’s not uncommon to identify profoundly with being a caring wife/loving mother or a devoted husband/attentive family man.

Indeed, a really popular and enduring theme in the meaning of life is: find a partner, get married, and create a life together. Buy a house, develop careers, foster a community. Have babies, and raise the kids. Grow old together gracefully, lovingly.

And then, despite all of our best intentions, a wrench gets thrown into the works. And the whole thing comes to a crashing halt. The proverbial wrench can be anything: an illness, a change of heart, a growing divide, different values, conflicting goals, a wandering eye, a midlife crisis, a change of faith, or just plain old irreconcilable differences.

How Does the Meaning of Life Change After Divorce?

Going through a divorce brings changes to life. Everything is up for an adjustment — from your living situation and your finances, to the family structure and your network of friends. The life that you so carefully and lovingly built gets an overhaul.

Like a survivor of any traumatic event, after divorce you might be wondering if there is ever going to be a time when you’ll laugh again. Or, sometimes, if life is worth living at all. Undergoing pain is of no value if we don’t learn something from it.

It can be difficult to imagine that there is meaning in life after a breakup. When we committed to our marriage, we allowed our most prized possession – the meaning and purpose of living – to be shaped and changed by our partnership. And when that relationship ends, we must reclaim and redefine that valuable asset.

Essentially, divorce means that you’re going to be starting over. How you put your life back together, and how you perceive what’s happened, is up to you. You’re the author of your redefined life.

You just need to decide what life looks like on the other side of divorce, and move in that direction…Joseph Campbell says, “The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.”

The Positives of Independence

It’s essential for you to know that you can live alone and that you can get fulfillment from your own life. Being independent doesn’t mean that you’ll lose your capacity for having other relationships. Independence empowers you to stretch and try new things. You’re giving yourself the freedom of choice.

Divorce equals freedom! You now have the opportunity to become who you wish to become. As crazy as it sounds, this opportunity is a gift. It may come out of the depths of destruction, and the darkness of grief, but every beginning comes from an ending. This is your chance to rise up, get to know yourself in a new light, and architect your new identity.

Accepting Change is a Process

A change might happen suddenly, but transformation does not happen overnight. Divorce unfolds in stages, and adjusting to all of the changes happens over time. Give yourself permission to take the time that you need. Be kind to yourself as you re-adjust to living life on your own.

Rebuild Yourself

Divorce can be demoralizing and it can do a lot of damage to your self-esteem. Some of us even lose ourselves in our marriages. We sacrifice our needs and desires for the greater good of the family. Every marriage requires some amount of sacrifice — even healthy, happy partnerships involve give and take. But in an unhealthy relationship, we risk being engulfed. We doubt ourselves, depending upon something outside of us – a relationship – to give our lives meaning.

Divorce becomes an opportunity for getting back in touch with you. You need to rebuild your sense of self – or maybe find it for the first time. Who are you? What moves you? What do you love? What is it that you like to do? And if you don’t know…this is a time for exploration, and reinvention.

You get to take all of the energy you were spending on your unhappy marriage and your unhappy spouse, and focus it on yourself. You can use the time to rediscover your passions, reconnect with old friends, or rekindle slumbering talents and interests. This is your opportunity to become a better version of your former self. A time to develop greater self-knowledge.

Developing Inner Strength

One recommended tool to find your strength is the Best Self Workshop. Through this online workshop you will come face to face with your higher self, who you are when you’re at your very best. You will foster a deep understanding of your own strengths. By unlocking these characteristics, you are able to use them as touchstones — helping you meet and exceed the demands of your divorce and daily life. Creating a solid foundation for your next chapter, whatever it may include. (Career? Family? Romantic relationship?)

Create a Vision for Your New Life

What do you want your post-divorce life to look like? Having a clear focus will act as a road map or a guidepost for your journey. It will help move you through some of the most difficult parts in the divorce process.

Start pursuing new goals for your health, wealth, love, and self-expression. Maybe create a “divorce bucket list” which includes some activities you’ve never done, but have always wanted to do — like go on a yoga retreat, spend a weekend alone or with friends in an exotic destination, go skydiving or rock climbing. Stretch yourself. Try something new!

Finding Romance Again?

Everybody needs love. But it doesn’t have to be romantic. You could fill your heart with love from family and friends, or from the devoted loyalty of a pet. Love and affection come in all shapes and sizes!

Just be careful not to overburden your children at this time. They are going through their own transition and period of adjustment. They too have lost their footing, and will need extra love and support during this time.

If you decide you’d like to date again, please know that there are no rules or prescribed timelines. Everyone gets to follow their own compass, and march to the beat of their own drum. Some people are ready immediately to get back out into the dating pool, while others take years, and some may opt out altogether. There’s no right or wrong way to approach romantic love 2.0. It’s an extremely personal decision.

Forward Facing

Marriage and divorce change us. We might lose ourselves in marriage, and find ourselves in divorce. The sooner we can accept that we are no longer the same person, the sooner we can start moving forward.

Focus on the positive changes that come with divorce: more control, less conflict, new relationships with more emotional intimacy, the ability to try new things, and to pursue dreams that were set aside in the marriage.

Aha Moment

Creating a life of meaning, value, purpose, love, and fulfillment cannot come from an outside source. It must be the result of our own design and dedication.

Through divorce, you learn that you have the strength and the power to survive one of life’s most painful experiences. That strength is yours. It provides a strong sense of self, and a state of personal freedom. As well as a launchpad into your new life, complete with new meaning beyond the limits of your original expectations. Divorce can be the start of your more authentic, serene, and joy-filled life.

If you want to start redefining your meaning of life, and are looking for transformational tools, check out our shop. If you’d explore this next chapter one-on-one, reach out to me. I’m here to help you begin today!